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Ready to learn the most important takeaways from The Four Tendencies in less than two minutes? Keep reading!
Why This Book Matters:
If you don’t know whether you’re an upholder, questioner, obliger, or rebel, then you are missing out on critical knowledge that you can leverage to live a more successful and happier life.
This bestseller explains these four tendencies and gives you actionable steps for getting unstuck and achieving your goals depending on your personality type.
- Upholders respond well to both expectations from themselves and from others
- Upholders are excellent at following orders reliably and at maximizing productiveness.
- Example: Upholders will get 100% of their work done and follow doctor’s orders to a T, but the risk is that they may blindly follow bad rules rather than question them.
- Upholders need clear instructions and patience from others
- Upholders can get frustrated if they don’t understand what is expected of them and may have difficulty accepting change.
- Example: If you work with upholders, check in to make sure expectations are clear and be patient in situations that require the upholder to change.
- Questioners are excellent at meeting their own goals but may need convincing to work towards others’ goals
- Questioners often ask why, which means they are excellent innovators, but they are at risk of “analysis paralysis.”
- Example: A questioner will perform days of research to identify the best washing machine instead of purchasing one quickly based on a friend’s recommendation.
- Questioners need clear justification before they will act, and hate being questioned
- If you disagree with a questioner, you should be thorough and compelling.
- Example: A questioner will be much more willing to discuss an issue if you phrase your question as “How did you come to this conclusion?” instead of “Why did you do that?”
- Obligers have no trouble living up to external expectations but struggle to meet their own expectations
- Obligers often make the best workers but they require outside accountability.
- Example: An obliger with a messy home may purposefully invite people over to create external pressure to clean up because they won’t do it on their own.
- Many obligers feel ashamed they have to resort to others
- Obligers often repress their own needs, which can hurt self-esteem.
- Example: Obliger rebellion such as outbursts or acts of sabotage often occur when they become frustrated from helping others too much and failing to meet their own needs.
- Rebels reject expectations from others and struggle to help themselves
- To motivate a rebel, don’t tell them what to do. They must feel they have a choice.
- Example: When possible, try to offer the rebel different options and explain the consequences of each one.
- Rebels can frustrate themselves
- Rebels may struggle to consistently exercise because they feel they are conforming.
- Example: Many rebels respond well to reverse psychology bets like “I bet you can’t eat well for a whole week.”
- Knowing your own and others’ tendencies can help you succeed in all aspects of life
- Understanding how you and others respond to expectations can help you be strategic.
- Example: A great leader knows how each person on their team responds to expectations and formulates their approach accordingly.